Why Criticism at Work Should Never Be Taken as an Attack

In my latest monthly column for the Kölner Stadt-Anzeiger I ask why criticism at work is so often misunderstood as an attack. From the basketball court to the boardroom, the real difference lies in trust and intent.

Recently, at my daughter’s basketball game: It was a crucial match, we were just a few points behind, and only minutes remained. As the coach, I stood on the sidelines, tense and vocal. “Defend more aggressively! Drive to the basket! Pass faster!” My voice was loud and emotional, much like Jürgen Klopp or other coaches in the heat of the match. Yet none of the players took offense. No one withdrew or felt insulted. Why not? Because the girls knew I wanted to bring out the best in them. They knew I cared about their development.

And we had a common goal. We wanted to win. From day one, I built trust, encouraged them, and supported them, not only during the game. I regularly asked questions such as “How is school going?” or “Are you doing well?” That created trust. Criticism then was not seen as an attack but as guidance.

In the workplace, many struggle with exactly this. Most people give no feedback at all. If they do, they often use the so-called “feedback sandwich”: praise, criticism, praise. But it does not work. Studies from Harvard Business School show clearly that the sandwich method weakens the actual message. The praise sticks, the criticism fades, and behavior hardly changes. At the same time, recent studies show that people want direct and clear feedback.

The fear that criticism might hurt usually lies with the one giving feedback, not the one receiving it. So how do we deliver honest feedback that truly resonates? Leadership research offers a useful approach: “Radical Candor,” developed by Kim Scott. It rests on two principles: “Care Personally” and “Challenge Directly.” The order is crucial. First comes personal care. Then comes direct challenge. People must feel that they matter to us before we criticize their work.

Without this relationship, criticism feels like an attack and triggers defense. What does genuine care look like? I take time regularly for the person in front of me. I ask: “How are you? Do you need support?” Not out of duty, but out of real interest. In basketball, this is decisive. The players always know that I stand fully behind them. Even a substitution (often seen as punishment) feels supportive because they know I do it to make them better, to protect them, and to give them time to reflect.

The same applies in the workplace. When leaders or colleagues show real interest and offer consistent support, they create trust. Only then does criticism truly land. It is not ignored but valued. After all, why would I invest time and energy in giving feedback if I did not care about someone’s development?

Unfortunately, this happens far too rarely. In today’s workplace we are often overly cautious, especially with colleagues or superiors. That prevents growth. Leaders and colleagues need honest feedback if they are to improve. Only then can people and organizations truly evolve.

Radical Candor does not mean harsh words. It means trust, appreciation, and clarity. And it requires consistency. If we live by this principle, our criticism will be understood for what it truly is: a gift. Because when it comes to feedback, the same principle applies as everywhere else.

From Nothing Comes Nothing.